The One and Only

    Wargrax approached the hill silently. Were Nesingwary to be believed, this hill was the home of the mighty tiger Bangalash. This white King had sent Nesingwary and his companions running on more than one occasion, and Wargrax was not about to be outdone by a stunted dwarf. While Bangalash could send that motley crew of so-called 'hunters' running back to their tents, he was not prepared to face a true hunter.
    Crouching low, using the dense undergrowth of Stanglethorn as cover, Grax made his way slowly up the hill. Careful to make no sound, and to stay upwind, he eventually came to the crest of the hill. Through the last of the foliage, he could see the clearing, and in the center was a veritable giant of a tiger. Grax stared in awe at the beast, whose title of King was well deserved. Around it, three tigresses lazed, while their cubs napped.
    As he surveyed his quarry, Grax felt something nudge his arm. Barely controlling his urge to leap, he spun to find his cheetah, Dishu, had made her own way up the hill. Dishu had been Grax's constant companion since he had found her in the Barrens. Centaur had invaded her territory, and she had attacked them. When Grax has found her, she had been mortally wounded, though the two centaur corpses laying next to her attested to her ferocity.
    Grax had knelt next to the poor creature, a gash in her side bleeding so bad she looked more like a lynx than a cheetah. She brought her eyes to his, and in them he saw a strength that belied her current state. So, without trepidation, he placed his hands on her wound, and spoke the words of the mending spell known only to hunters. Under his hands, the wound began knitting itself closed, and all over her body scratches and cuts vanished completely.
    After only moments, she was fully healed, her eyes shining bright. She stood, and turned to look Grax straight on. He returned her stare, and - after an eternity - she lowered her eyes. He reached out to pet her, and she pressed her head into his hand. She has not left his side since.
    Looking at her now, one couldn't imagine her being on the brink of death. Her lean body spoke of hidden strength, and her eyes shown bright with life. She crouched with her muscles tense, and her eyes forward, eyeing her prey.
    Grax turned back to the tigers, and saw that one of the cubs had awoken. It made its way to Bangalash, moving with the clumsy gait all cubs seem to share. Bangalash noted the cubs approach, greeted it with a swipe of his paw. The cub tumbled, got to its feet, and pounced at him. He made an exaggerated show of falling over, and then rolled onto his back. The cub jumped, slipped, jumped, and climbed onto his stomach, finally standing tall atop his vanquished foe.
    Grax turned to Dishu, and she turned to him, both having made the same decision. With the same care he'd taken coming up the hill, Grax began descending it. Behind him, Dishu followed suit, though with markedly more skill the large Orc.
    Grax knew there would be glory in being the hunter whom finally took down Bangalash, but he also knew there was only dishonor in killing a father that only wanted to raise his cubs. Someday, maybe someone would claim Bangalash's head as a trophy, but it wouldn't be today, and it wouldn't be Grax.

Time

"It's colder, now, that I remember. How long has it been?"
"I don't know, I don't think any of us knows."
"That doesn't seem right. Someone should know. How could we not know?"
"I don't think anyone really cared to remember then. We didn't think it would last this long."
"We were so...foolish, we should have known."
"It seems so obvious, looking back. Hindsight..."
"I miss the sunsets. Looking out the window, watching it set behind the ocean...the way the ocean sparkled under those last rays."
"I just miss the light. It’s so dark now."

"My love?”
"Yes?"
"There’s no more wood, is there."
"No, that was the last of it."

"I love you."
"I love you, too."


It was easy to fall asleep. Only the ocean still moved outside, everything else had gone. The cold wasn't as bad with her in my arms. I kissed her on the head, and closed my eyes.

Poetry [Scraps]

The Dance
We dance on the cold roof tops
Forever lost in each others touch
Our silent dance twirls on
As the cold freezes our bodies
We warm each other's souls
If we die tonight
We will never be apart

All I Do
It's been so long since I've held you
I'm beginning to forget
Just how your gentle caress feels
I want to feel your arms around me
I want to wrap my arms around you
In my mind.. your face is etched in deep
The only memories I can find
Are my memories of you
They come out when I sleep
Every night, they seem new
I want to scream your name
Bring you back to me
But you're too far away to hear
I can't pull you near
Please come to me, pick me up from the floor
I've bled here too long
I need your touch to let me heal
I need your touch to let me feel
You can make this go away
Help me here - Before my heart stops

Distance
There is a distance between us
Much too great for me
I have to make it go away
I have to make her feel ok
Run up close and hold on tight
Hold each other through the night
To wake up entwined
Nothing left to do
Nowhere left to go
Noone here but her
Held tight in my embrace
She didn't hear what I said
A quiet whisper in her ear
I told her I love her
And she has nothing to fear

Rose
Yesterday was fixed
The future reopened
It's like a new world
A world without end
A world who's beginning
Started with us
We were there together
Standing on top of everything
As the world stopped turning
And started brand new

We can do it better this time
Grow above our past mistakes
Undo our past crimes
Grow together
Inside each other
This world is ours to make

Sensation
When you've reached the end
I'm only starting
When you give up
I'm getting set
When you are letting life slip by
I'm opening up to let it in
It runs over my skin
Sensations you'll never know
The touch of life as it empowers you
The rush of purity
For a moment I am free
Far and beyond myself I watch it all
This is the life I have to show
I'll ride it to the end
I may just go where no ones been
Push through existance
And find out what exists beyond

Home of Nowhere

  With her lying back against my arm, wrapped around her in a final embrace, I took in the lines of her face as she drifted to sleep. Gently, I stroked her hair with the tips of my fingers. Down, around her little ears, then tracing the line of her jaw to her neck. Then I ran my finger-tips down her throat, and into the hollow of her chest. She looked up at me then, curious, and pulled me into a kiss. I slowly brought my hands back up, and held her in that kiss.
  In that moment, the power of our love washed away the past, and there was only us. Together in our loneliness, our minds wrapped around each other, becoming one for that moment. We could see inside each other, and it brought us closer together, essence touching essence.
  Where, once, the touch of others had felt like a violation, I instead welcomed her into myself. As we kissed, our minds joined into a dance that only true love knows the steps to. Then, as we separated...I felt a hole grow within me. In her eyes, I saw the truth, and the hole grew wider. I took my arm away from her then, and lowered my head.
  As I walked away, the past became the future, and all hope fell away. All that I had hoped was a dream became all too real, and all that I dreamed was real stayed locked in my mind. I don't know where I'm going now, but I walk forever onward. This lonely path doesn't accompany two, and it stretches before me. There is no home at the end, for my home is nowhere, lost in a memory of what could have been.

Upon My Liar's Throne

  On the edge of time, I fell to my knees in the dry leaves that had fallen from the once green trees. In my broken hands I held the memory of your touch, and still I reached for you, lost beyond that black veil of time. In my mind your memory still haunts me like a disease, tainting my thoughts and emotions. We once kneeled together here, and locked our hands in a tight embrace, promising to never fall away from each other.
  I am alone here, wrapped in the blanket of memories that once comforted me. It's lined with your touch, cutting into the skin you won't come back to heal. Beyond me, I can see the future leaving me. The past, behind me, echoes the better times, no longer meant for me. I picked up the edge of this time, and wrapped myself in it.
  Dressed in funeral garb, I went to the place we used to be, and sang you a song made of all the beauty that was left in me. As it all came down around me, I stood in place, singing to the darkness that had come to take me away. I turned my thoughts once more to the past and reached, again, for you. Behind me, as I look, I see not you, but only me. As all my loves, it was only make believe.
  Now I find that as them, I was too, and there is no one here to make me real.

Happily Ever After...

  In the end you will come to find that there is no knight in shining armour. There isn't a spectacular entrance on a beautiful white horse - there is no evil dragon to slay. There are only the evils that no one sees but the hero, and it is his job alone to fight them away. Clad in his knowledge, and armed with his wits, it’s his sole quest to fight away the evils that he sees attacking his friends. Once defeated, he turns around only to find that they have all left, hating him for taking what they had away. The true hero has no victory save for in his own head, and everything else inside of him is torn away and left behind for the weak to eat...

Magdalena

  The dust settled, the ringing subdued, and the sun came out to light up the world for me. Around me, the bodies of my enemies wept my pain into streams that flowed away from me, their empty eyes releasing me of my destiny. I picked myself up off the ground, and, leaving the past behind me, walked on to a new place. Before me, the land stretched out endlessly, green with the promise of new life.
  As the battle grounds moved beyond the horizon, the memories slipped away, and the past covered itself over with hope. Above me, the clouds released for me a shower, and cleansed me of the last traces of that place. In this place, it was easy to forget the pain; beauty flowed through it like hope flowed through me. Here I found a clearing, surrounded with tall, green trees, and littered with flowers of every colour. The sun overhead turned the wet flowers into points of light, and the ground became a rainbow that stretched on into the sky. Here, I'd found my pot of gold, and I was at my rainbows end.
  Now here I sit, unknowing of what’s to come, and strangely comforted by it.

Reflection

  All around me, the pieces of my life float away. A few pieces of them stay behind as a reminder of what I have lost in my quest to fix it all. These pieces hold the memories, but the reality within them has left me behind. Once, I would have run to try and catch it, but now I know how futile it would truly be.
  As I stand here, she comes back to me through the fragments of my past. Taking my hands in hers, she takes me back to the places we've been. It highlights my memories, and renews my pain. She turns to me, and closes my eyes with a gentle brush of her fingers. I feel her place a warm, loving kiss on my forehead, and I feel it eat away at my flesh. Her love is a disease, killing me with the memories of not-to-be.
  As the last of me is taken away, she whispers to me, "I was never meant for you..."
  Now I awaken, far from what was, in a land of new pain. Around me, the trees grow tall, and the grass grows green. I cannot feel her anymore; I cannot feel anyone anymore. Perhaps this is where I was all along, and had only dreamed life in fevered loneliness. So, I stand, and I walk; forever driven to find something new.

---

  ...And before me was the most magnificent waterfall ever to be seen by man. Its blue water splashed down from atop a cliff adorned with flowers of every colour, into a pool of sparkling water - clear as the waters in the Caribbean. Beneath the waves that rippled out from the falling water, I could see fish of infinite shapes and hues floating peacefully in their untouched paradise. At the edges, a myriad of plants and flowers grew, watered and watched over by the constant flow of water.
  Then, from below the waters came a great beast, covered in blood red scales, and topped with a crown of thorns, he looked like nothing that walked on the land. He pointed one of his mighty claws at me, and growled, "This place is not meant for you."

  As I stared, his other hand emerged from the water, holding a sceptre made of the finest crystal ever to be cut. He motioned with it, informing me of the consequences of disobeying his word. And so I stood on the edge of paradise... looking in. He stayed with me, for a time, but when he was satisfied that I wouldn't disrupt his land he returned to the water. I lingered there until I could finally tear my eyes from the perfection; hurrying from that sacred place.
  As I walk, I find myself withering away. All my efforts to leave have been in vain... for I always turn back, and return to that place. I cannot stop myself,, even though I know it will never be meant for me. Memory will never be enough, these words... not enough.

  Come with me and see what could have been.

The Future Past

  Through my despair, the past came alive, and it fed on me. Erasing my memories, and giving me the memories of others, memories of things I never wanted to see. They became clear in my mind, filling the holes where the past had taken from me what had been mine. Then, in the ultimate irony, the memories that had been given to me took a life of their own, and I came apart around the edges where they lived.
  The past, unable to take my memories fast enough to feed itself now that I was fighting back and holding onto them, started filling my mind with the future to distract me from my past. In this knowledge, I found that I could remember the future, but I know not what I should do with this gift. I don't even know if I can call it a gift, since the price to pay for it was everything that I have ever been. There is no me left inside this body, the only thing that keeps me acting the way I do is the way my mind is attached to my brain, the impulses still translating what few thoughts I have into complex reactions to simulate the being that once had so much life.
  I find now, that to take away my memories the past had to have access to my very mind, and that it was my essence it attacked. No amount of healing could ever repair the damage done; no mystical fix is possible for me. All I know is the dread of what's to come, and the truth of what is - what was. I see it all, but I hide from it. Reality was never for us to know, no one could ever truly handle what I have become. I can't. I won't.

Gallow's End

End
  It was a sign of times, they said. If it was, I would have to take their word for it. I didn't have time enough left to contemplate any more vague concepts. All I had was the honour of being the first victim for this one. It waited, looming above me, as I slowly marched up the stairs towards it, its unused blades shining in the sunlight. I glanced out at the crowd, the faces of people I knew... people I didn't, and a few I loved. When I'd been in the crowd, which now seemed to have been an eternity ago, it had seemed to not be real. Now, I see that to the people we would watch it seemed the same.
  They laid me down, but not to rest. The pleasure of rest would never be known to me, an end such as this did not warrant it. Face down; I couldn't see the end hanging above me. It seemed I could hear it, though, in the crowds screaming. I couldn't make out any of their words, but I doubted any of them were worth hearing anyway. Around me, the men who decided my end stood...chatting to each other. Casually, as though this were common place.
  In my final moments, I think I was glad that it was all coming to an end. When I had realized that they were just chatting about nothing, I couldn't help but wonder what the point in staying would be. To stay within a society that treated death as an everyday occasion seemed to me as torturous as any death. So, when I heard the level pulled, I let a smile play out over my palid features... and it was over.

Beginning
  Another one came up, his expression much more calm than the last. I appreciated it, I was sick to death (and isn't that ironic?, I thought) of the way they all acted as if they didn't deserve this. I, myself, was never told what they were sent to me for - and I didn't really care all that much - I trusted my government enough that I didn't see them as possibly being incorrect in sentencing people. Not that I would care much if they did, this job requires a near non-existent amount of effort, and it paid well. The most energy I exerted was holding them down while they were strapped in, and when they were calm and accepting even that wasn't a problem.
  Now, as I did it, I was again thankful for his calmness, for he did not put up any struggle at all. The last had nearly gotten up and away from me before his restraints could be tied in place... a mistake that could have cost me my pay for the entire week. This one, on the other hand, might as well have lain down on the bench on his own, and when they finished tying him in place I walked to the lever. I wrapped my hand around it, but just as I was going to pull he spoke,
  "You know, I was raised to believe that only my God could judge a man, that only He had the wisdom to condemn... When was it decided that mere men could condemn me?"
  His last having been said, I pulled... and it was over.
  Over, I found, for him; but not for me. His words, as simple and contrived as they were, would haunt me every time I went to the lever. Truly, he had had a question that was worth an answering. What did, in fact, give me the right to pull this lever? Of course, I knew the answer. Nothing; I had no right to bring death upon another man. As I realized this, I still pulled one last time. They cleared him away, and I set the blade back into place. The others walk away to get the next criminal, and I lay myself down onto the bench. I do not know if I'm even meant to sign my own fate, but it no longer matters to me. My conscience heavy, I reach to my side and release myself into the mercy of the one whom I know can.

Outside
  I watched him march to the platform through eyes whose tears had run dry. I wished they had not, for they may have distorted my sight enough to hide this image from me. To watch this is assuredly as painful as it is to live it. Still, I could not turn away; to turn away, I felt, would be betrayal. So I watched as he was forced down and tied to the horrid contraption that would end his life. His lips were moving, but I could not hear his words over the crowd.
  I watched it fall, and I fell with it.

Revolution (or The Death of Princess Mme de Lamballe)

Pre-Script: This is an uncensored view of the horrors of the French Revolution. Not intended for younger readers.

  While they held her down, I debated what to do with her. We had to show the nobility just what we would do for our own salvation. While a part of me was saying that such methods would damn us much sooner than it would save us, the truth was that these ‘nobles’ were inhuman. The way they see us, the lower class, is as though we were cattle, only in existence to make life easier for them. They were monsters.
  I decided, and retrieved my sword from my side. As I held it up, she stopped moving; her eyes wide and full of fear. In them, I had hoped to see some sort of regret, to see her apologizing in her mind. Even now, she felt as though we were mistreating her. For this reason, I reconsidered her fate.
  I turned my sword around, and slid it under her fancy dress. The other men saw what I was doing, and immediately began to assist me. Within moments, she was stripped bare before us, and I could see the hunger growing in my companions’ eyes. So, not wanting to keep them waiting, I said,
  “Well? Have at her.”
  As they descended on her, she began screaming. For that moment, I almost felt her to be human. Her voice had been so full of feeling, full of terror, that it was as if she could, in fact, feel, but my senses returned quickly enough. Nothing human could allow our torment to continue as it had for so long. Satisfied, I stood back while they used her. Fitting, I felt, that she get used by us, just as we had been used by the nobles.
  After a time, I pushed my way in, and had my way with the ‘Princess’. Her body had been horribly cut up, and both her eyes were swollen shut. She was not screaming anymore, her mouth incapable of forming words. As I finished, she reached out as though to push me away, to be done with me. Apparently, she had not quite learned what we had been trying to teach her.
  In order to drive the point home, I picked up my sword once again. I ran it over her chest, but I could not tell if she even noticed. Thinking of all the times she must have laughed at our predicament, all the times she gloated over us, all the wrongs she and her kind had committed against us, I let the hate rise up inside of me. Taking control of that hate, I grabbed hold of her breast, and used my other hand to cut it off.
  She found it inside of herself to start screaming as the blood ran out of her body. I calmly walked to the other side and finished the job. Never again would she look down upon us. No more gloating, no more cruelty, no more anything, she was dead. I backed away, and another stepped forward. He slammed his hand into the hole I had put into her chest, and, in accompaniment with the worst sound to ever violate my ears, he ripped out her heart.
  Then, to finish it, he proceeded to eat it.
  Another man took my sword from me, and used it to saw off her head. Picking it off by her once-lovely hair, he jammed a spike into the bottom and walked away with a few others. The blood did not flow from the cut, but it drained out of her head and made her pale. The small party yelled something as they walked away, but I could not hear it. I turned back to the body, mutilated beyond recognition, but I never questioned myself.
  This was the way to show them. This was how we would show them.

Post-Script: I am not out to write horrific porn, this was a study to try and get into the minds of those responsible for such heinous crimes.

Summoning

  A light in the corner flickered, and all the shadows moved around me. the disorientation that inevitably followed ran through my already paranoid mind. I was afraid that the doubt in my mind might cause me to mess up my work.
  Delicate as it was, I couldn't afford to make a single error. The only leniency I had was spent on the shakes coursing through my arm. My brush, held lightly in my hand, was slowly finishing the design I had painted on the floor. Intricately woven lines curved around me and outwards to the walls of the room. The closer I got to finishing it, the more real it all became in my mind.
  The more I believe in their purpose, the more they glow with the power inherit in their purpose. A constant breeze begins to circulate around the room, blowing out the candle I had been using to light my work. As I reach to relight it, I realize that it isn't necessary, as the room is now filled with a soft, red glow that has no perceivable source. I could only imagine how it would look in a few moments.
  With every little brush stroke, my heart beat a bit faster, a bit harder in my chest. I was almost constantly wiping my brow, so as to keep my sweat from causing the lines to run. Luckily, it seemed my nervousness was seeping out of me with my sweat, and my hand's shaking had calmed. I was glad, for I could not let my paranoia ruin this now, not after having come so far.
  Finally, I laid down the final brush stroke, and it was finished. From my brush, and out along the course of the pattern I had made on the floor, a stream of red energy flowed through the ink. It's power ignited the air around it, so instead of a carefully painted design on the floor, the floor held a fiery snake, coiled to strike. As if to have read my thoughts, the flames began to writhe. The shape of my art changed, and the head of a snake - made entirely of flames - rose up out of the floor.
  It's eyes, burning emeralds held within the flames, looked at - if not through - me. I felt them pierce me, and run their course through me. This manifestation had made it's way through me, reading me, understanding me. Then, I felt them burn inside of me, and with that it pulled back out of me, leaving only a smoking corpse where I had been.

Cold

  In her hands, she held a cup. In this cup, the last great adventure was held. Alone in her room, she could not find a reason to stay. It was cold here, just like all the people who had brought her to this place. It was this place that had, in time, made her cold.
  The cup that she held felt warm to her. Warmer, at least, than anything else she could remember touching. The need to feel warm was far from the reasoning that brought her here, but in this moment it was all that mattered.
  She brought the cup up to her lips, and closed her eyes. A single, cold tear ran down her cheek as she sipped the warm mixture of liquids that was held within her cup. It still felt warm as it flowed down her frigid throat and made it's way to her core. From there, the adventure spread it's way out, pulling her in.

  There were no tears shed when she was found. Only the cold detachment that embodied those whom caried her away.

Love

  Somewhere, underneath the thin veil of flesh covering the world around me, there was a place that waited for me. I could feel it, just below my skin, and I could hear it in her voice. It was the place that waited to take our souls when we released them from their physical prisons. I can see it, locked behind her beautiful green eyes.
  Whenever I look into those eyes, I can feel it calling out from inside of her, and I can feel that place pleading for me to release her into it. Even in my own mind, I was being told how very right it was, how very kind it would be to do this for her. I always liked being nice, and I knew I could still be with her there.
  I held her head with my hands, and gazed deep into her eyes. She looked back at me, her eyes full of love and a smile on her lips. This was the moment that I wanted to keep forever - a moment I could hold forever inside of me. Inside, I hoped it was what she wanted as well.
  I moved my hands down, and wrapped my fingers around her neck. Before she had a chance to question it, I pulled her closer and we kissed. As our lips met, I closed my hands around her neck. Still, even though she could not breathe, she held the kiss instead of pulling away. Proof, then, that she wanted this as much as I did.
  She held me tight in our last embrace, and every moment felt as though a liftime had passed. In my head, we spent more time together in those few moments than we had in the entire rest of our time together. In those moments, an eternity passed, and we became one. Even as her life slipped out of her body, I took it inside of myself, and locked it away inside of me.
  Now, there was only one way to set her free. Letting her body slide to the floor, I pulled a knife from my jacket. With steady, precide cuts, I set us free. Our souls wrapped around one another as theyu left my body, and together we allowed ourselves to be taken to a better place. It welcomed us, waiting with arms out stretched to pull us in.
  There we stayed... forever.

Machines

  In those last moments, as I watched the machines take the angel apart, the humanity in me lost itself to the horror. So, even as the machines ravaged all that was beautiful in my world, I became one of them as my humanity slipped away. Conciously, I detached from my emotions, and left the last of humanity to die in the ruins of my existance. I never really qualified for the role, anyway.
  The moment passed by me, and I saw my humanity laying dead in the remains of what had been the most beautiful of creatures. An eternity ago, I had tried to save her, but I had been too intent on saving myself in the process. Foolish, it seems, looking back. After all, I lost myself in losing her. Given a second chance, I would have given all I had been to keep her strong enough. In the end, her beauty would have kept me going, even if I had nothing left.
  Instead, I wander with the others, always searching for someone new to feed off of, to taste life once more...

Spiralling

  The night is beautiful in it's emptiness. Enveloped within it's darkness, my mind is freed of distractions, and I am left alone. I retreat deep inside myself to think. Night brings with it many thoughts for me to let loose on in my mind, and it is always a splendid dance they do as they make their way in and round. With the night supplying the music, I join in on the majectic ballet of thought, our intricate movements create a web of ever increasing complexity around me.
  The center of this web is made up of dangerous thoughts, and I've come to find that the longer I stay in the dance, the closer I seem to be pulled into the bottomless spiral that has been woven straight through my mind. If the night around me is dark, and if the thoughts it fills me with mirror it, then I would surely slip into the hole. Inside I would find a place whose darkness reaches out and destroys any light that would try and penetrate it. A darkness that feels alive, the force that drives my dance nearer to it's beautifully damning core.
  This close to it, I cannot help but want to let myself spiral into that hole, cannot seem to find the reasons why I stay away from it. I find that here I cannot resist the flow of thoughts on the web, all leading into that hole.
  Closer, and closer still, the distance from the core gets smaller, the side-streams of thought spread apart and lose my interest. Down, and down more, the web on which I stand has developed a slight downward slant. Out from the hole comes thoughts that slowly rearrange my web. It becomes the perfect trap for a mind, ready to set it free. Currently, the thoughts I dance on are of my curiosity examing just what this situation might entail.
  Suddenly, I stumble over a strand of paranoia, and the dance is broken. I stumble downward, and more and more I find that my curious hopes are being choked by paranoia. The perfect balance of hope and dread causes me to stop entirely. Then, I realize too late that by spiralling my thoughts into over-analysis and questioning are dragging me downward.
  As I am pulled into the hole, the questions and the thoughts are consumed by the darkness. I find myself unable to think, unable to grasp any comprehension of what's happening. Just before the final fall, I realize what it maens to be set free, and then I am over taken. My logic, my reason leave me, all thoughts spiral upward, out of reach.
  At the bottom, everything becomes cold. All reality blurs and fades away, and I am left inside to find a way out...

Stars

  From here, it all looks so peaceful...
  From here, you can only make out a few groups of people, cenetered around the self-made stars. From here, there is no personalization, there are only the followers and their leaders. From here, you can't see that these stars are dying...

  I know the death is there, though, I've seen it a countless number of times. I've watched while the stars, in their desperation to be the most brilliant of all, burn away all their reserves to find that they don't have enough to keep themselves burning inside. I've seen the followers that flock to the star's shining light, attracted by the power eminating from inside. And Always, I've watched as the star begins to drain the life out of it's followers to fuel it's own fire. In the end, when the fire begins to die, those around it are too drained to escape even the weakening pull of the star.
  The end is never as spectacular as a star's end should be. They are always unwilling to let go of the power, the attention, and instead of releasing the energy that is natural to a star's end, it becomes locked inside a shell. So, where there could have been a moment of unimaginably beautiful release - a release of power, which has the potential of refueling the followers with new life, and refound energy - there is, instead, a final moment in which the star pulls in anything remaining around it. Holding onto those last precious drops of the drug it craves, holding onto the last flickers of light, it pulls it all inside. The fuel runs out, and the star's remaining power wraps around itself to find it holds nothing.
  Beautiful Irony. The dead star's empty shells are black holes that suck in anything foolish enough to get close to it. A final wish, a final desperate cry, that makes them a mockery of themselves. They continue on, only to find that they are draining all of the beauty out of their own lives...

Destinations

  The sand drains from between my fingers, back down into the beach from which it came, the beach that stretches out beyond the horizon in front of me. As endless as the ocean it borders, this beach defines the destination that it forms a path to. The walk, though seemingly endless, was more relaxing than anything I've done in a long time. The sand has been soft and cool under my feet, and the moon lit water rolls gently up the sand, always a few feet away from where I walk. So peaceful has it been, that more than once I've considered stopping here, on the coast, and foregoing the rest of my trip.
  Of course, I keep walking. The promise of my destination is much too precious to just let it slip away like the sand that slips between my fingers. The thought of it calls to something inside me, in a way that few things ever have. Having let those things slip away, I've sworn not to let this go, too.
  As the moon is swallowed by the ocean, I realize it's time for me to make my way up into the trees that grow along the beach, and to then rest for the day...

Beautiful Night

  It's a beautiful night, not the kind I would normally be spending alone. There are a few whisps of clouds scattered across the sky, but only enough to give the air above me life. Behind them is the backdrop of stars, a thousand dots that make up the most beautiful of all light shows. The air around me is comfortably chilled, and a slight breeze keeps it alive. Higher up, the breeze turns into a wind that blows the clouds away from the moon, that it might light up the night with it's radiant shine.
  The soft light glistens off the dew covered grass that fill the meadow I lay in. It all feels so perfect, as if the night had set it all up just for me. So, I lay for now, and simply enjoy this moment of peace that has been provided to me. It almost seems like the night is teasing me with what I'm throwing away, offering it's beauty in exchange for my life.
  With that thought, the serenity of my night is broken. I reach into my pocket, and pull out a single, miniscule pill. Looking up at the moon while I roll it between my fingers, I thank it for giving me at least these last few moments of calm reflection. Then I let the memories flow through my mind, reliving them one last time. When I can't stand them anymore, I let them go completely, and drop the pill onto my tongue...

  I don't feel it go down, but I feel the night open up it's arms. It pulls me close, and holds me tight as it takes me away.

Slide

  Vision slides, peeling away the truth in what I've seen, and making way for the questions. My truth was fractured by a girl, a very ordinary girl. She had been sitting alone at a table near me, and something - I cannot say what, for I do not know - drew my eyes to her. I watched as she stood and walked through the corridor to her car. When she had walked out of sight, I began following her reflection in an opposing window, and before she got to the edge of the window, she disappeared.
  I blinked, unable to accept what I had just seen. Positive that I was merely seeing things, I stand and follow her paht out. The area is completely empty of her or anything that could be in hiding.
  Maybe, I think to myself, I did not see her at all.
  This thought curls in on itself, spiralling around my reality. It wraps itself around and around, and crushes it. My thoughts run together and fall apart, making the questions multiply and the answers become toasters. Toasters? I slide into the darkness.
  I kneel, and touch the ground beneath me with the tips of my fingers. They tell me that it is there, unmoving and cold, but my eyes told me that she was real and now I do not know if I can trust my senses. I stand, and walk away. In my mind, I run from the cracks that have formed in my reality.
  Sometimes, as with now, reality seems to just slip through my fingers. All I can do to hold onto what's real is turn away from these fractures, and slowly convince myself it never happened. To run from the madness that I know is waiting for me on the other side of acceptance.
  In my mind, I'm always running.

Rain

  The rain fell from the sky, intent on drenching everything below. This suits the way I feel perfectly. Cold rain runs down my face, washing away the tears. I had been weeping for the mistakes of my past before the rain had come. Now it seems that tomorrow everything would be fresh and clean, and tomorrow, for me, would be a new day, my new beginning.
  So, I stand in the rain, and let it wash the pain away. When I wake in the morning, I think that, for the first time, I will not hurt. The past, as it washes away, plays through my mind, but this time it is only a reminder of what has been. The rain has cleansed them of the feelings that once accompanied them in my mind.
  Already, I feel like a new man. The old me could never have thought back into his memories without the regret, without the guilt. He would always block out the memories, run from them, distract himself from himself, but now I can remember. With this newly found freedom in my thought, I think of my memories of you, and everything that we went through together.
  And still the rain comes down on me. It's taking you away from me, but I don't mind. I am a new me, and I don't need you inside my head anymore. It seems funny to me now, how I used to hold onto you, to the memories of you. Everything I did, I would compare to you, stop and wonder if you would approve. I am a new me, and everything I do, I will compare against myself.
  Happily, I watch your face melt away, forever erased from my thoughts. Now, I leave the rain, for the night has become cold, and I can feel sleep overtaking me. Inside my home, I notice that it no longer holds within it thoughts of you. I smile at this, and enjoy the new peace I've found within.
  Sleep comes again to my mind, reminding me it's there. I leave my clothes to dry, and crawl into my bed. Closing my eyes, I find sleep waiting for me in the darkness, while awakening waits for the dawn of a new day, a new me.

Letter

  Where has the time gone? These years that have gone by, they feel so empty. Have I let my own life pass me by? It all went by so quickly...
  I had so much I wanted to do, I had so many thing to say to you. I woke up this morning and found that all the time in which I could have said those things had passed. I found that you, my only love, were gone. What, then, is left for me?
  There are many years still left for me. That used to matter, but I feel as though the years which mattered have already come and gone. So, do I resign myself to living out the rest of them dreaming of what could have been?
  You can't imagine how many nights I have lain in my bed, thinking of what I could have done differently. Laying there, I would dream of you, and all that could have been. It always hurt so much, the knowledge that it was my own fault that those dreams would never become memories. I think, looking back, that it was the pain in the knowledge which kept me from saying the things I needed to say to you.
  I was...too scared of it, once more, being my fault that it didn't work out. In fact, I think it may even have been why I messed up in the first place. I wanted so badly to be perfect for you, for it to work out, that everytime something went wrong I would panic. I would then try and force the perfection in my mind into my life, and it would hurt you.

Forsaken

  I held you once. Once, but never again. I watch my fingers crawl over the keys as I let the words flow out of my memory. The memories, though, are fading. A fog has covered them, and everyday they slip away a little more. Every day, it becomes harder to recall the touch of your skin, or the look in your eyes as you told me how you loved me.
  With every fragment that goes missing, a piece of me, and of my hope, disappears as well. The term hopeless has become a bitter one, as it no longer means there is no hope for me, but that I have no more hope. Cold acceptance, however, is not within my grasp.
  I can never accept what has transpired between us, and so I distract myself. Though it seems that everything in my pathetic world trys to fail in distracting me. Everything I touch seems to break so that it will not aid me. Only this cold, filthy bottle of Potters offers any escape from the truth in my world.
  Then, though, even my blood aspires to break me. Not allowed to forget what transpires when I'm drunk, and even making the getting to being drunk a challenge, it offers no real safety. Safety from myself, and my mind.
  Lately... defining me has become a true challenge. I've forgotten what, or who, I am. My memories offer no help, clouding over and becoming lost when I try to focus on them. Deep inside... there is nothing.

  I forget, now, why I wrote this, and I forget what I was trying to say. Empty sounds fill my ears, distracting me, the violins of victory, not vengence. Where have I gone to? I must find myself, lest I become lost.

Now, Don't Deny Me

It's a cold evening, the kind that makes you feel as if every one of your bones is made of ice, and your blood has frozen in your veins. Although, tonight it could very well just be that my heart has frozen over, and the cold is from the inside, not the out. Her apartment number was in the report, but even after all these years I still have it memorized. 114. There was a time that I saw those numbers as often as I now see the endless blackness of my coffee at Ruby's Diner.
I walked straight there through the maze of the complex, but at the door I hesitated. I knew what waited for me on the other side, I'd read the report - seen the pictures. I also knew that the past waited for me. I could feel it like a hungry beast, ready to rip the locks off of the sealed corridors of my mind and consume me like they did when they were made.
As my hand touched the door, I could feel the madness grow deep inside of me. I wondered if it would be better for me to just turn back, let someone else take this case. Walk away, forget the past, why not? People run away from the past all the time, why should I have to open my Pandora's Box?
Can't, this is my case, and the least I can do for her is bring her justice. The door opens, a familiar scent mingled with the smell of fantasies end flows out of the room and envelops me. Breathing it in is like watching a video of my memories, all covered in blood and laced with the impossible knowledge of what was to come. In this moment, every thought is a burden, a train with three hundred cars block out everything else trying to get through.
Then my subconscious mind took over for me, this was my job, I had work to do. I took out my notebook, the narrow kind you see sticking out of a reporters back pocket (which is where I got it, after a certain annoyance wouldn't stop prying into one of my previous cases). I noted the smell - a perfume she wore every day of her life, and the smell of decay I had become so used to as of late. I thought there might be something else, hidden under the smell of roses and death, something familiar enough to be noticed, but elusive enough that I couldn't quite place it. I figured it was just something int he apartment that I didn't remember and took no note of it.
Now came the fun part, I stepped forward, through the doorway. Being a one-bedroom apartment, the room I had stepped into was basically an all-purpose room. Kitchen set aside, a tv dominating the carpeted square of living space. A couch that looked like it had run its course long before I had ever met her sat facing it. To the case, nothing in this room held anything of interest, but to me it held everything. Every single moment lost to this place returned to me, and I fell into the past...

Rust the Bullets with My Tears

I drop my gun to the ground, I can't be a part of the fighting anymore. My knees have grown weak, and I'm laying in the mud wishing it was over. I hear the screams around me, I feel the pain of a hundred dying men. This fight was never meant for them, they fall for nothing, nothing at all. If I could stand I would run away, but the battle has drained me of all my energy. I lay and think of my beloved, taken by the call I would never come home to her loving arms.
I would take a bullet in the heart, if only it would tear out the pain. I would take a bullet in my brain, if it would save me from these memories. The blood is wet on my hands, and the men I took it from tear at my sanity in a vengeful frenzy. I can't live with myself anymore, and I make my final stand. Without my gun, without any fear, I spread my arms wide and welcome whatever fate they hand to me this day.

Stepping Through My Shadow

Reality is just a thin blindfold, covering and entrapping your mind from the stream of energy that makes up existance. Pushing out and through this reality, we can find ourselves on a new level, a higher existance. Freedom takes on new meanings as you find yourself in the very fabric of our world. With one simple tug you could unravel all that is, has been, and will be. With one motion you could put it all back together.

I think if I could push myself to the other side, I would grab a handful of existance, and rip it out. I would laugh as the universe ceased to exist and then I would build my own world out of the pieces that were left.

Trust Me

I watch her reach up, and her fingers break the surface of the water. She wraps them around my arm and tries to push me away. I know she knows it's pointless, this is how it has to go. Under the water I can see her looking up at me, her eyes seem to push the water away, and I can see her clear. Her eyes pull me in and consume me, make the whole world green. I tighten my grip, and her eyes close as her last breath comes to me through the river.
As it escapes into the air, the whole river begins to turn green. The water shines and everything around it is bathed in a beautiful green light, unearthly and entrancing. It pulls me in, and the water wraps its icy fingers around me. I can see her, her entire body the colour of her eyes now. I wrap my arms around her, and let the water take us away - never to part again.

Mir Ist So Kalt

I glance over my shoulder, the street blurring as my eyes move to cover the area. I turn forward again, intent on moving forward, getting away. I see shadows move to my sides, I try to ignore it, I hope its just in my head. They always used to be in my head, I could always close my eyes to make them go away. That was before... I didn't want to think about it. I missed her. I had to keep moving, I had to get away.
A car pulled up in front of me, and a man got out. He was carrying many papers, and he looked rushed. I saw him drop his keys, and as he walked away I picked them up. I got in his car, and I drove. I drove as fast as I could, the more I had to focus on driving the less I would think about her. About them. They were behind me, I knew, the fatest car in the world can't outrun the shadow men.
I had tried, and I could still hear her screaming as they pulled her under. When the car had started following her, I jumped out, and I ran. I ran alone. With her gone, I didn't know why I still ran, but I'm still running. I don't want to see whats beyond the shadow, I don't want to go to the other side.