Letter

  Where has the time gone? These years that have gone by, they feel so empty. Have I let my own life pass me by? It all went by so quickly...
  I had so much I wanted to do, I had so many thing to say to you. I woke up this morning and found that all the time in which I could have said those things had passed. I found that you, my only love, were gone. What, then, is left for me?
  There are many years still left for me. That used to matter, but I feel as though the years which mattered have already come and gone. So, do I resign myself to living out the rest of them dreaming of what could have been?
  You can't imagine how many nights I have lain in my bed, thinking of what I could have done differently. Laying there, I would dream of you, and all that could have been. It always hurt so much, the knowledge that it was my own fault that those dreams would never become memories. I think, looking back, that it was the pain in the knowledge which kept me from saying the things I needed to say to you.
  I was...too scared of it, once more, being my fault that it didn't work out. In fact, I think it may even have been why I messed up in the first place. I wanted so badly to be perfect for you, for it to work out, that everytime something went wrong I would panic. I would then try and force the perfection in my mind into my life, and it would hurt you.